Thursday, May 11, 2006

Public Service Announcement

Ok, so I know over the year + I've been doing this that I've said some stuff to put me at outs with people and the like. But never have I said something that could risk my very LIFE. But today I will, for the safety of my family and my community.

I have reason to beleive that my mother is a deadly ninja.

No really, I looked at the facts, and it all adds up. Let's explore shall we.

- The gaze of death - Now I know most mothers have gazes that can cut steel, but my mom's can slice through diamond. I've actually felt my heart stop from some of her gazes. Don't beleive me? Call her fat and see what happens.

- Dad - My mom is about 2' 3" and my dad at just over 9'10" is terrified of her. Add to that his military training, and why else would he be afraid of her? Because her hands are lethal weapons.

- Spoon handling skills - The woman can kill or seriously maim anything she sees with a wooden spoon from as far away as 50 yards. Again don't beleive me? Call her fat while she's cooking.

- She can't cook - Ninja's are notoriously bad cooks.

- Plus last week on the way back from Saskatoon, she kicked some guys head clean off. Didn't even break a sweat either.

Be warned!


MP said...

you are so dead when I tell mom to read your blog!!! holy cow, you're so out of the will!!! Oh my god, I can't even believe you'd say it!!!

Binns said...

you don't have to worry about being in the will. You should start drafting your own seeing how you mentioned ON THE INTERWEB that your mother cannot cook. I'll bring some flowers to your funeral. Hope you have a comfy casket.

Demoncrush said...

Damn ninja's are taking over! Worse than bloody mosquito's they are. They roam the streets here in Carlyle after 11 when all the stores close. Apparently they've imposed their own curfew on this town and the RCMP are at a loss of what to do, I mean just because they have guns doens't mean they can hit anything with them. Beware man, I think your mom might be plotting the same type of lawless lawfulness plan that's down here.

garrett.s. said...

ahaha. dude thats awesome. i can see it. seems how with some of those my mom is the exact same. she scares the b'jesus' outa me.

Danny said...

Your thinking of the Shaoling Monks, not Ninja's. Your mom is a monk.