Thursday, May 19, 2005

Advice Column ; Belinda Stronach

Ok so I wasn't planning on starting my columns just yet, but this one is kinda time sensitive, so I figured I'd hash through it.

Soulfood sent me the following ;

"Why did she do it!!!??? Why did Stronach cross over? And does this mean no more sex from McKay??"


A tough question. I read the papers, watched Newsworld, even asked the magic 8 ball. This was a stickler.

So I did the only thing I could. I whipped out the ol' little black book and gave Belinda a call, sort this little mess out. Incidentaly if you're not Canadian or a Canadian living under a rock, I'm not gonna explain the mess that is currently Canadian politics. You should be able to get all your answers at cbc.ca.

me-and-belinda

Belinda Stronach : Hello?
Pilot : hey Belle!
BS : Um hi!
P : How's it goin'!?
BS : Uhhh... good I guess...
P : So how you holding up?
BS : Do I know you?
P : It's Pilot!
BS : Should I know you?
P : Uh I helped you bury that hooker that "appeared" in your trunk last summer.
BS : Oh PILOT! How are you?
P : Fine, fine.
BS : SO i suppose you need money or something?
P : Well yes, but that's not the reason for my call.
BS : Oh?
P: Yeah, my little sister is a little confused about this whole crossing the floor thing, so I figured I'd help her out and get some answers. So what's up?
BS : I cannot exaggerate how hard this was for me. The country must come first.
P : Yeah Belle, I read the press release. What's the real reason?
BS : Sigh... well I suppose it's not like you'll be posting this conversation on the internet right?
P : No.... No I'd never do something like that! Ahem.
BS : Well, do you remember that little bar on the East side in Ottawa with the really good popcorn shrimp?
P : Oh you mean the place where you can do coke off of a donkey's shaved ass?
BS : Uh yeah, that's the one.
P : Yeah it rings a bell.
BS : Well I was in there last week, just looking for directions.
P: Riiiight ....
BS : Anyway, all of a suddent there is a police raid, and in tow was Irwin Cotler.
P : Minister of Justice?
BS : The very one. He was observing the techniques used by the RCMP in raids. I just happened to be there.. uh ...
P : Looking for directions?
BS : Right! Looking for ... directions. Anyway, he spotted me and mentioned that it would be a shame to wreck a pretty face like mine by putting me in a Womens Detention Centre and maybe we could work out a deal.
P : I see! Well that's a pretty sweet deal!
BS : No kidding! I'm just glad I didn't get Minister of Canadian Heritage or some boring post like that!
P : For sure! So what about you and McKay, that on the rocks.
BS : Oh please, you know that was just a ruse. We never were going out, we were just trying to "cuten up" the evil Conservative Party. To date Pilot, you've been the only man that's been able to satisfy me.
P : Yeah baby, I know it.

Any way we "exchanged pleaseantries" for a while, then broke off the conversation. So there you have it... the real reason she switched over.



If you have any burning questions or flaming problems, remember to drop me a line at DearPilot@PilotsWorld.tk.

4 comments:

The Navigator said...

I thought it was an advice column..she didn't even ask for advice. What should we do about her would have been a question worthy of advice but you didn't give advice you just answered a question....no advice in there...I blame the government.

Pilot said...

Hm.....

Very interesting....

Soulfood said...

OK, I knew it wasn't an advice question, but it was a burning question, so I asked it!!

Anyway, this is obviously false, because if it were true, there's no way she would have gotten
a. Human Resources Portfolio
b. She gets to apply the recommendations of the Gomery report
c. She's in charge of democatic revitalization.

As if they would blackmail her and then give her all these perks. I mean, let's be realistic here.

The Navigator said...

Ok, so I asked the magic 8 ball if star wars was gonmna be any good tonite and it said yes the first two times I asked so I stopped. This countered with the fact that I am sick, which is a bad omen, I believe it will be better than number one and two but not as good as 4 - 6.