It’s been a weird year for me.
On one hand, I’ve launched a music project that’s growing at
a really comfortable rate and giving me the confidence – and permission – to really
stretch out creatively.
On the other hand, nearly 18 years at the same company and
struggles to get ahead there have really started to chafe me, and I question why
I’ve let myself get stuck there.
Over the past few months, in particular since I was
unsuccessful in earning the promotion I was going for, I’ve been looking at
changing paths. Maybe find a new job or at least look at some different
possibilities. But the job boards don’t really have anything that piques my
interest.
In a few months, my current job contract will expire, and I’ve already made a
goal to try and make up the shortfall that will come by playing music. I don’t
know if I’ll make it in time, but BOY am I gonna try!
It's with that frustration at looking at other jobs, and
this maybe a bit insane try at something completely different that I decided to
start using a career coach. My work has an FSEAP (Family Services Employee
Assistance Program) that provides it as a benefit, so why not?
So it was that last Friday, I spent over an hour on a Zoom
call with a wonderful woman named Susan as we started to discuss my goals, look
at what I wanted to make happen and explore some ways to make that happen. It
was shocking to me how encouraging she was; there was no “no you can’t do that,”
and very little negative language. In fact, the only negative language was
coming out of me, and she was very quick to correct it and put me back on a
better trajectory.
It was also interesting how I’m really already on the path.
I’ve set some deadlines, making some hard work happen and making some hard
choices. I’m looking at my options, and even though I perceived my use of the
resources my job gives me to my own ends as parasitic, she helped me to reframe
that as just realizing the possibilities of my resources. It’s less about being
selfish as much as it’s about self-care. We have benefits at work – so let them
benefit me!
In the short term, I’ve reignited my use of my daily journal
(basically every counsellor and coach I’ve ever had harps on it; it’s time I
get more consistent), and I’m making plans to start doing a bit more every day.
I already practice and write every day, but I also need to set time aside to “do
paperwork”. And that’s one I’m well behind on. I’m actually a bit slow at work
lately, so I’m going to use some of that capacity in the short term to catch up
on that and get myself set up for future success.
And then there’s the books.
While I do like the idea of journaling, self-help books are
a bit grating to me and a few were recommended. They just seem to go on and on,
and then you get one good nugget of info. I’ve put a few on my reading list per
Susan’s suggestion, but I’m not sure how deep I’ll delve into them. But I will try.
Oh, and – the encouragement. I’ve gotta say there was
nothing more valuable than having someone who understood my frustration and my
dreams just yelling “YES” at me across an internet connection. Don’t get me
wrong, Rhonda is supportive, and Mom tries to be enthusiastic. But there’s
something about someone who’s also pursued a life in the arts telling me that YES,
I CAN DO THIS, that is just the bee’s knees. I think I needed someone to give
me more than permission.
I think it’s gonna be a really interesting winter. There are
lots of cool things ahead.