Saturday, May 01, 2010

I'd Like to Build a Doomsday Device.

There are many reasons I'd like to build a Doomsday Device.

A Doomsday Device, for those of you who live under a rock , is a theoretical weapon that could wipe out all life on the planet. Thankfully for all of us reading and writing this blog, none have been used yet. At least not here on Earth.

Now one might ask what a lower middle-class ... or maybe upper lower class... or maybe something else... average or so guy like me want with a device that could destroy all life on the planet or even the entire planet?

Well I'll tell you.

Firstly, upon completion it significantly improves your resume. Building a doomsday device is a pretty tecnically advanced project, and I'm certain you would find few jobs would turn you away when you can show them you built a device capable of ending the lives of 8 billion people.

The challenge of building a doomsday device is pretty attractive too. I'm sure brainstorming ways of spreading chemicals to all ends of the earth or figuring out how to space and detonate nuclear warheads so that they amplify their shock waves would be really interesting.

In order to assemble a doomsday device I'm certain one would have to attain some very difficult things, completely in secret so that party-poopers won't know what you're up to. I'm certain you would need to do a fair bit of travel to find and import what you need. Seeing the world is definitely a perk

Of course its going to make travel a lot easier once its done too. When you've got a weapon of total destruction, it doesn't make much difference if you're on the plane or on the other side of the planet. Why bother with the check, you're screwed either way. Carry on sir. Next.

Respect. We all need it. I'm sure I'd get it.

Free Ramen. Feed me or I kill everyone anyone ever knew. Ever.

Heck I could even make up a new title. Doomsayer Pilot. That has a nice ring to it. Armageddanaut.

I'm not really sure about this one, but again, who knows. I figure once you've got a machine capable of complete eradication of the human race, they'll give you a golden Safeway card that will get you anything in the store for the difference between regular price and club price. Like if regular price for ketchup if $4.50 and the club price is $4.29, gold card gets it for $0.21. Total sweet benefit.

It might seem pretty selfish to want a doomsday device, but you can see how much things would improve if I simply had a device capable of destroying the planet. It would have its downsides like my wife would always be looking for a reason why I should get it out of the basement, and I'm sure it could leak sometimes which would be some bad business. But I think overall, a doomsday device would be a pretty sweet deal.


Pilon, A said...

You should grab the black market catalogue and see if they ave any in there...might save some time. You could at least find some pretty cool parts.

Soulfood said...

The first step in building such a device would be to learn how to spell technically correctly.