Let Me tell You about my Curling Broom...

May I?

The History of "The Broom" - My curling broom is a family heirloom. It was given to me by my mother, who received it from her grandfather, who got it from his great uncle, who got it form his father, who got it form his Grandmother, who inherited it from her father who won it in a poker match from Liam McDougal, the inventor of curling in 1476.

The Construction of "The Broom" - My curling broom is made of very special materials and craftsmanship.
- The Bristles - each induvidual hair on the broom was plucked from a different virgin, who was subsequently killed and burned, and was set in the headstock by genius savants who's specialty was bristle setting. The hairs were then skillfully trimmed by the barber who cuts Charleton Hestons hair.
- The Handle - was fashioned by Monks in a secluded monestary out of the vertical beam of the cross that Jesus was crucified on. It was painted by Leonardo Davinci and varnished by Monet.
- The Headstock - Crafted by the hand of Greek Godess Athena out of the oldest tree in the oldest forest in the world. It was varnished by Van Gogh and the detail and effort placed into it's completion caused him to go insane, cutting off his own ear.
- The Screw - The actual first screw created by Peter Lymburner Robertson and enchanted by an Aztec medicine man. It was screwed into the wood by Bob Vila with a screw driver that once belonged to the first man in space Yuri Garigan.

Now you think with all that good luck and charm put into the broom, it must have some enchantment right?

We lost tonight 14-4. FUCK