Gratitude

Both my morning meditation and my page in the Daily Stoic tackled the subject of gratitude today, a subject that's pretty relevant immediately after Xmas and right before the coming of a new year. So let's talk about it! 

Feeling grateful is actually coming pretty easily to me this year. That's not to say I don't feel some of my usual urge to completely avoid the holiday season and the excess that comes with it. I don't think that point of view is going to change for me anytime soon. Somehow, we took a holiday ostensibly rooted in the birth of a deity and made it about consumerism and guilt. I don't want to observe it for religious reasons. I don't want to observe it for capitalist reasons. So why do I want to observe it at all? 

I am grateful for having a healthy family. A family that is caring, motivated, and creative. 

I am grateful that, coming to the end of 2025, not only did it not knock me down, but I really managed to build up this year. 

In a year where I lost not one, but two grandparents, I'm grateful that I got to see so much of my family this year. I even think I saw The Navigator more times this year than I have in any given year over the last 5. Some things you can't be grateful for. 

As frustrated as my job makes me, I'm grateful that it's showing me other paths and giving me the time and resources to chase other dreams. And that it's there and dependable when my health is low. 

I'm grateful that I have the space and the creativity to pursue my music again. And I'm grateful for all the new friends it's brought me this year. I think I enjoy the social aspect of playing again as much as I enjoy making music itself.

In a world that seems to be burning down around me, I'm grateful to start seeing society push back. And not just politically with protest. People are making the choice to put down their phones and go out more. I don't know if we're breaking free or just finding the balance, but even through the struggle that the next 5 years will bring, we're going to find some beautiful things, too. 

I'm grateful that I'm less worried about the mess my house is in this year.

I'm grateful that I have more ideas than time right now. 2026 will not be boring. 

And I'm grateful for me. That I can look at myself, see where I'm at, how I feel and what I need and that I have the capacity to make something of it. 

Today, I don't need to practice gratitude. Because today I'm all practiced up. I just AM grateful. 

What are you grateful for today? 

Admiration of the PS3

 The whole family was home on Saturday night. Rhonda and I sat down in front of the TV, and after about 5 minutes of picking through possibilities, it was clear we weren't going to find something to watch. Infinite choice is no choice at all. I even commented that there was a time when looking at what's on only required that you push "channel up" or "channel down" repeatedly until something you like happened. Now it's navigating 25 apps and entering 40 passwords. 

We live in the worst timeline.

During our journey through the options provided by this "smart TV" we discovered that there seemed to be a way to play GTAV through the TV. While we scratched our heads like the confused apes that we are, Kayah entered the room and reminded us that there was a PS3 upstairs, attached to someone's TV and completely unused. 

So within about 10 minutes, we had that old tank hooked up, and we had started crashing cars, shooting innocent people and looking up the nearest strip club. 

Before long, the whole family had gathered around as we took turns spreading mayhem around Los Santos. We stole tanks, we tried landing a jet in a military base, we went for a lap dance, and we tased a man to death. As parents, Rhonda and I are second to none. 

And we laughed. Like that good, deep, crying laugh you really can only find in a room with others doing ridiculous things. Plus, Jonas - or should I call him "Mister Maneuver" is just ridiculously funny. 

One of the things everyone was amazed by was that we had Netflix installed on the PS3. I reminded them that yes, and also YouTube and Blu-Ray DVDs on it. It was really an all-in home entertainment system. And despite some very old batteries in the controllers and a fan that sounds like it's clogged with syrup, the old girl still rocked. 

Also - GTA 6 When? 

Disco Napping

I think one of the reasons that the success rate in music goes down as people age is that after you turn 30 - no one wants to go out very late. 

I certainly run into this all the time with local open mics starting between 8 or 9 o'clock, ON A SCHOOL NIGHT. It's pretty damn hard to get out of the house after you've taken off your work shoes, doubly so this time of year when the air has been custom-built to freeze-dry your lungs. 

But I've come across a great life hack for this situation, the Disco Nap. Rhonda was the one who gave me the name of this practice. Something coming out of the rave/EDM culture. The idea is pretty simple: come home from work, eat your supper, do your evening things, then take 20 minutes aside and have a nap. Even shorter works, I've got by on 10-minute and 15-minute disco naps too. You wake up with just the right amount of oomph to get you out to that 8:00 boogie session, but didn't go down hard enough that you can't sleep until 4 am.

Last week I had a pretty intense disco nap.

I've been trying out the Calm app for a few weeks now. It's a meditation and mindfulness tool with a bunch of materials to help you find calm, sleep, etc. I had heard that SaskTel was giving away free 1-year subscriptions, so I figured I'd give it a whirl. This kind of stuff has been one of the self-care things I've been missing, so what's the risk, right? 

Normally, I just do the 10-minute morning meditation before going to work, but last Wednesday, I figured I could put it on as my timer and focus for my disco-nap ahead of going to Bushwakker for the folk night show a few of my friends were playing at. 

Looking through the 15-minute-long meditations, I found one on forgiveness. For some reason, last week I'd been thinking a lot about the role of forgiveness in the modern world. Do we need more forgiveness? Is misplaced forgiveness what's put us in some of the negative places we're in lately? What role should forgiveness play in my life? 

Normally, when I'm curious about something like this, I'd read an article or Wikipedia about it. But I thought this time, let's meditate on forgiveness. And holy man, did it take me places that night. 

I didn't go into that meditation thinking I needed forgiveness or needed to grant forgiveness. But that meditation took me down to some actually kind of dark places, then slowly worked me back up with some ways to bring forgiveness and happiness in. Totally unexpected but very, very welcome to be sure! 

I rose from the meditation a bit stunned and full of thought, not just about forgiveness but how powerfully that meditation had affected me. In the couple of weeks I've been doing the meditation regularly, I've noticed a few little things. Getting on the bus in the morning feels a bit more detached and centred in a healthy way. My thoughts seem to have less static or bad tuning. They seem smoother. But nothing quite so overt as this. 

It's taken me a long time to find something to fill this particular bucket in my life. As much as we all hear the term "self-care" and how important that is, it's not easy to find. Each of us has our own needs in that regard, and the whole world we live in is so toxic - it can be hard to find all the things one needs. I think one of the benefits of reading all the self-help books I have this year is that I've started to see the patterns and the repeating things that we all need. Spirituality and mindfulness are a big one, and if you're in pursuit of that, I'd suggest giving Calm a try. If Calm isn't in your budget, find some meditation videos on YouTube or grab a book from the library on it. Or just fold laundry in silence for a while. You might be surprised what you find. 

Kindness in 2025

 Last week, I found out that one of the security guards at my office had lost a very short battle with lung cancer. We'd known for the last couple of months that he was sick, and it seems he didn't suffer long. Yes, I've now reached that age where every third conversation or so will include me talking about someone dying. 

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This particular gentleman sticks out to me because he was one of those overtly social people. He always said hello when you came in, knew my name long before I ever learned his and had the ability to hold you hostage for an extended time while he told you about his latest Eve Online campaign or about the go-kart he built. He was an interesting character, and his absence is definitely felt around the office. 

For those of us who worked at this office for around a decade, this one has hit particularly hard because we lost a similarly social and friendly security guard in 2017 - this history rhymes very, very well for us. 

Hearing this news has left me very pensive and introspective because, as much as I can remember and celebrate the kindness of these men today, I often just felt annoyed with them in the moment. And I'm not sure why I felt that way.

Part of it is just that the first hello is always the first thing in the morning, while I'm rolling in groggy and grumpy to work, just trying to get to my desk in time. Being held up to talk about the weather is an inconvenience. 

Another aspect is that the relationships started out weird. I think the security cards we use to swipe into the building probably show our names on a screen for the security people, so they always knew my name. But I was never introduced to them. So the relationship was unbalanced. Had they taken the time to say "Hello Jeremy, I'm ....." I might have felt a bit better about it. But it was always like "How do you know me?" 

Which is to say, I think sometimes that kindness needs to be handled with care these days. You'll often hear advice about treating others with kindness and having that returned. But I haven't always felt or experienced that. Some people really don't reciprocate, and if you bring kindness to the table too boldly, I think it turns people off. 

I have a co-worker who has a very old-school approach to being social and being kind - and it feels invasive sometimes. I'm just trying to drink my coffee; it's not your business when the last time I pooped was. I'm drinking my coffee- it will happen again soon. 

Plus, after 18 years in the corporate world, I've noticed an awful lot of assholes and idiots get promoted. Not that there aren't people who earned promotions or deserve it. But I also know a lot of friendly people who have been passed over in favour of the people you really wouldn't want to spend any significant time with on a desert island. 

So, all of that to say: in this festive season, maybe don't be kind to each other. Leave me a mean comment below! 

Tossin it out there

 I know I had some good ideas for blogs this past weekend, but instead of taking note of those good ideas, I allowed myself to forget. Now it's Tuesday, and I have no idea where I'm gonna go with this. 

So let's go free-form for a bit. 

I twisted my ankle really badly about a week and a half ago. In addition to the general pain and inconvenience being hobbled AGAIN is bringing, there was the embarrassment of doing it in front of my neighbour. Thankfully, he'd just recovered from one himself, so it wasn't as bad as it could have been. 

But it does mean I've been stuck inside, grumpy and generally out of touch with the world. I did get a chance to head out to Indian Head and play an open mic this weekend. I drove out with a new music friend, Jason and had a fun chat with him on the road out there. He wants me to head out to the O'Hanlon's open mic tonight. I'm inclined to go, I do like this open mic, but I'm also tired and sore and kinda just wanna hang out at home. I've got a gig this coming weekend, and I could use the practice.  But I could also use the live practice. Dammit. 

I think I'm going to be happy by the end of December this year, and not for the reasons you might think. I've got a lot of gigs and practicing to do, but I also need to do some administrative stuff and get some projects wrapped and rolling on the music side. While 2025 has been a pretty great year for figuring out what I wanna do with myself, it's left me with a pretty big pile of things to do and it's hard to balance performing and doing the rest of it. I'd sure like to sit down and write some music again sometime! 

And then of course, I'm behind on Christmas gift-buying. I've gotten better the past few years at being on the ball for this stuff. But not 2025. I suppose some of that is being so busy. But also just haven't seen too much inspiration from the people I want to gift to in terms of what to get them. Maybe they all get toilet paper to celebrate 5 years since COVID. 

I dunno. Been thinking a lot about 2026 and the future lately. Sometimes it's hard to think of what to do next when you're worried the whole damn thing is going to collapse around you in the next few years. But at the same time - what better time to take a risk? If everyone is going to fail, might as well fail doing something I love and not talking corporate speak or having my soul drained at 7:30 am every day. 

Yeah - 'tis the season I guess.