Why you do me so dirty Strombo?

I recently watched a video essay by one of my generation’s spokespersons, George Stroumboulopoulos. It’s an essay about aging, about our moments as a generation, and he focuses on the legendary soundtrack for the movie “Singles”.

Now, I admit, this wasn’t a soundtrack I was actually that into at the time. I had plenty of others. The soundtrack to Cable Guy, Godzilla, Empire Records – even my first CD: the Wayne’s World soundtrack. But the songs on this soundtrack are the bands that defined my younger years and are the foundation of what we were into during that 1990-1996 era.

He talks about the legendary years of 1965-1969, and I realize that not only did we have a similar movement of music and culture, but a lot of what happened in the late 60s helped define the early 90s. Jimi Hendrix and The Beatles were as essential listening as Nirvana or Soundgarden. And it makes me feel very old to realize that there is more time between Nirvana and now than there was between Hendrix and Nirvana.

Sigh.

Maybe the essay shouldn’t have made me feel sad, but it did. It’s as though the cycle didn’t come around again. That time of youth coalescing to create something new and expose the excess and abuse of the music industry. Or maybe I just don’t see it because it’s not rock and roll. Because the cycle didn't come back around and pick me up. It was for someone else.

And then again, maybe it’ll come in the next couple of years. The world really is in a bad way, and people are standing up around the world. Something I’ve learned in developing Jeremy and his Kazoo is that the kazoo is an instrument of protest. Maybe I’m the one on the cusp of the next cultural movement. Not that I have the energy or, frankly, the knees for it.

I mentioned to The Navigator when he was over a couple of weeks ago that I’d been watching a lot of JHS Pedals content on YouTube. One of the most fascinating things I’ve learned through that was how the intersection of rock music and technology created so much of that late 60s sound. Jimi Hendrix with the wah and fuzz. Clapton with overdrive. The Beatles and flanger.

All this to say, these changes come with the innovations of the time. And I think our time is defined by the innovations of social media and the internet. Hank Green talks a lot about this and how similar uprisings happened after the printing press. Maybe the movement happening now will be easier to see in a decade or two.

So what of it all? Nothing really. Just an old man bellyaching about how good we had it while I sit here and listen to the Singles soundtrack streaming on Spotify.

But George also talks about all of the people on that soundtrack who died too young. And about one who they wanted on the soundtrack that also didn’t make it to 30. And that just doubles down on the feeling of being old, of being fragile and finite.

And it makes me want to make music. To connect. To make a zine, copy a tape, hang posters and just do all of those things that social media has taken. To be human and connected in person again. 

Time to get moving along

 I've mentioned my frustration with work and life a couple of times over the last year. It's such a weird position to be in because in the same breath that I'm fed up with my place in life, it's a nice enough rut that it's hard to get out of. I don't feel particularly motivated to apply on jobs or run off to the woods. 

Yet another modern Catch-22 of my own making. 

The Navigator visited this weekend, and we had a chance to talk about work. We talked about his recent job move and what he's doing to find himself in the right position. It was inspiring to me. Being at the same company for 18 years makes switching jobs an anxiety-filled proposition. But here he is, looking at his options mere weeks after starting a new job. Far out. 

Photo of me with handsome nephew Capone for context. 

Coming into work yesterday, I felt stuck between a rock and a hard place and frankly lacking the motivation to find my way out. Granted, trying to launch a music project is part of that. As is raising a family and trying to keep up with the Joneses. 

So I decided to leave it for this week. Just relax. I start a long stretch of holidays on the 24th, and I'll focus more on job applications and work stuff at that time. 

I'm considering using the career counselling services I can get through my work employee assistance program as well. It's not just wanting to change companies or managers - I think it's time I looked at a new path or challenge. If I knew I stood a chance in hell, I'd just dump every ounce of energy into music. But there doesn't seem to be much of a future there. It's gonna be more of a part-time gig. 

And maybe I should just forgive myself for being burnt out on life. 

Who knows. 

No, for real...

 ...this is probably not a world we should be bringing children into. 

I've always had this lingering memory from a movie or TV show I watched when I was a kid. It depicted a future world of pollution and filth. The sky was orange, there was smoke everywhere, and everyone was wearing a mask. I'm not totally sure what the movie is; it could be the 1981 film Heavy Metal, but I wasn't able to find the imagery in my mind during a cursory search online. 

In any case, the world depicted in this poorly remembered media has become the world I see outside lately. We've all been wearing masks on and off for the past half decade (oh did I mention that there was a goddamn PANDEMIC during the quiet time on this blog?). The past three or four summers have seen the skies get very orange due to wildfires all over the place. Just last week, La Ronge, the birthplace of this blog, was badly damaged due to wildfire. A lot of history was lost when the former Robertson's trading post burned to the ground. 

And beyond the environmental and the epidemiologic, there is also a fentanyl and meth epidemic going on that seems to be touching everyone lately. A co-worker had to give someone in distress Narcan a couple of weeks ago, and this Sunday, Rhonda and I took our turn. While walking the dogs on Sunday afternoon, we came upon someone giving a woman chest compressions in the alley. We stopped and lent aid until emergency services showed up. At which point, she jumped up and ran away! 

And then there is what's happening south of the border. I would say all of us have seen this coming, and for the first time, I'm hearing the whispers that the second American Civil War is starting to develop. I don't know what a modern civil war will look like, but I can't see this ending without the need to make some new maps. As if Las Angeles hasn't been through enough this year. 

Things are ugly, and they only look like they're going to get uglier. 

And it's hard to know what to do as an individual. I've been recycling my pop bottles and walking to work, but that hasn't done anything for the pollution. I voted, but authoritarianism is in full swing. I've engaged in Truth and Reconciliation, but indigenous people are still being ravaged by drugs and poverty. 

So maybe that's the whole thing. Maybe all I can do is encourage everyone to stop having kids and just relax. After all the musicians played while the Titanic sank because there was nothing else to be done. Guess I'll go strum my guitar and wait for the air to become unbreathable. 

Faith and Begorrah

A few weeks ago I stumbled on an episode of the “WithinReason” podcast hosted by Alex O’Connor where he spoke to Good Mythical Morning host Rhett McLaughlin about his break from the “White Southern Evangelical Christian Church”. Specifically, I think he broke away from a form of Baptist church, but the discussion is about the strong evangelical aspect of churches from the American south.

I’ve known about Good Mythical Morning for a decade or more, Kayah and I would watch it when she was little. It’s basically a morning talk show on YouTube – with millennial trappings. So think less Regis Philbin, more Tom Green.

Rhett wasn’t alone in what he calls his “spiritual deconstruction,” his co-host Link Neal also embarked on the journey. They both grew up in the Baptist church and were even heavily involved in recruitment and evangelicalism during college. They had fully consumed the grape flavour-aid.

The deconstruction started for Rhett when he started exploring what he was being told about evolution in the church and what science and the rest of the world were saying. For Link, it was around the way gay people were treated by the church. Of course, that’s a major oversimplification of their journeys but it gives you an idea of what started their journey.

It’s led me into quite the deep dive about their journey because it so connected with the journey I’ve had leaving the Catholic Church.

Now, my journey is not the same as theirs. Mine was a lot quieter and I wasn’t nearly as entrenched in it as they were. While I know there are members of my family who would feel better if I went to mass every week, for the most part I’ve been allowed to follow my path where it takes me.

I think the part that I most identified with was the identification of the hypocrisy I was being fed and how pulling that thread started unravelling everything.

For me, like Link, it was how gay people were being treated that didn’t make sense. Especially when combined with the endless allegations of abuse and rumours of gay activity within the clergy. And to be clear, I’m not judgmental that there are gay people expressing themselves in the clergy. I’m critical of the hypocrisy of saying no one else can be gay. And I find the abuse of minors and others to be abhorrent not only to God but to humans as well.

But there were things that came up earlier that pushed me over the edge once I started questioning things.

I may not have been as entrenched in my church as Rhett and Link were, but I was still very involved at a time. I was deeply involved in youth ministry and summer camps from about grade 6 until sometime in high school. I went on retreats, jamborees and did a lot of things that in retrospect were pretty weird. Anyone who attended one of the SEARCH weekends can attest to that.

One of my strongest influences at the time was a priest who served at my church in town right out of seminary and was the camp priest at the summer camp I went to. He’s a very good man so I’m not going to out him here – but in looking back, conversations with him contributed to my departure from the church as well.

He was always great at making Jesus and the bible compelling and fun. And he thought outside of the box. He told me something once that always stuck with me, “I know atheists who do a better job of living the word of Jesus than most Christians.” It made it clear to me that living a good life and being good to people doesn’t require faith.

But my view of this particular gentleman was shaken the day I asked him his thoughts on the Robin William’s movie, What Dreams May Come. In the film, Robin Williams’ character loses his wife who dies by suicide. He finds a way to go to hell and saver her to bring her back. It’s a movie that really explores the spiritual and everything that goes on outside of the human experience. But my priest friend was having none of it. He insisted that only God could rescue us from hell and that was the end of the conversation.

I tried to engage him more but for the first time in my friendship with him, he got mad. This was not to be discussed. Which brings to mind one of the most powerful observations that has come out of learning about Link and Rhett’s deconstruction – the difference between being curious and being right.

During one of the podcasts I consumed, it was noted that the difference between the religious right and the rest of us is that the religious right are obsessed with being correct. While the rest are more curious and want to grow. And that speaks to my core. Most of the time, I don’t really care about being right – especially if it’s not about the safety and wellbeing of others. I’d rather ask questions or event better – listen than be right about everything in the world. But most religious people I know are obsessed with being right.

So as I entered high school and moved to college, I got curious. I looked at other Christian denominations but they all seemed like just different flavours of kool-aid. Muslims were interesting for a while and I’m glad I got curious about them when everyone else was trying to have an opinion about them after 9/11. Buddhism was very interesting for me for a while but at the end of the day, it still felt like a human translating the divine.

In the end I concluded that if there is a God, he’d be more concerned with me living a good life and loving my neighbours than if I was going to church every week or trying to convince others to drink the same kool-aid. And for the most part, until a couple of months ago, that’s pretty much where the story ended. I don’t wear it on my sleeve, I try not to attack people with faith. Just live and let live.

But boy hearing about religious deconstruction shook me up. It’s made me realize the core of some of my self-doubt, my constant guilt and even why I can get so deeply judgemental at times. It makes me think that maybe I need to find some support or counselling about that. I do feel sad about the loss of community that comes with leaving a church. And I think I crave a sense of ritual or spirituality to ground myself and put my negative energy into. I don’t know what that is per se, but I know it’s something missing.

And there is something divine about the world. I don’t know if it’s a god, or many gods. But there is something spiritual about the feeling you get when that first layer or lacquer is wiped on to a fresh piece of wood. Something out there is ensuring that Elvis is on the radio when you’re heading out of town to say goodbye to your grandma.

It sure feels like something’s out there. And maybe it’s time I started looking for it again.