One of the challenges of going through a self-improvement phase is sorting through all of the micro advice you get from everywhere. It gets easier as you go along, the more books you read or advice you follow, the more you see the patterns – the things that everyone recommends. Things like journalling, meditation, exercise and setting intention-type stuff. But there are those little “just remember this one little thing” that sometimes stick around.
The one that’s been sticking with me lately is “start with no.”
That doesn’t mean say no to everything, but enter a negotiation with the
mindset that you’re going to refuse the request, then go from there. Especially
if it’s a request that’s not serving your goals or intentions.
It’s been an interesting experiment, to be sure. On one hand,
it’s failed. When my family changed plans the week before Xmas, I tried to say
no, I wouldn’t be there on Xmas Eve. But of course, The Navigator was only going
to be there that night, so that no turned into a yes. But it came with the
sacrifice of a different part of Christmas. No regrets, but there was give and take
and a true negotiation.
I’ve had a few friends who have been very needy of my time
lately, and I’ve had to make some “no” assertions to protect my time. My Telemiracle
taping is less than 2 weeks awa,y and I’ve got my fundraiser at the end of the
month to prepare for – I don’t have time for a lot of distractions this month.
Start with no has also been really good at work. When some coworkers
try to steamroll my time or hog my attention when I have things to do, I start
by saying, “No, not right now.” I’m sure they’re a bit disappointed, but at the
end of the day, I’m here to get a job done. Not to sit around watching your
cousin’s, mechanic’s, dad’s best friend from high school play a cut-rate
version of Interstate Love Song.
There’s other advice that people are very insistent that
works that I just can’t seem to wrap my head around or make any use of. My job
coach was really pushing one on me before the holiday. Basically, she was saying
that when I reach a moment of indecision, confusion, or even just change, I
should stop and think, “perhaps I can…”. I haven’t found a good context for this
one, and I haven’t found a lot of use from it. I wrote it on a sticky note and
put it up at my desk. I’ll keep pondering it. But it just doesn’t seem to
connect with me.
Some days, it all just seems overwhelming. I’ve read about a
dozen self-help books and watched as many impactful videos over the last year.
I’ve been to counselling, coaching, and just done a ton of work. It’s hard to
keep it all organized, to keep all the balls in the air while trying to work
towards something real. But I suppose that’s where it becomes a bit of a “life’s
work” project.
Something I've found to be really fun to help me with this is sending myself time-delayed emails. I got my first one on Jan 1, and it was pretty revealing. I noted what I was working on and asked myself pointed questions about my progress. While it wasn't perfect, in fact far from it, I could see that I had made some progress, and it reminded me of the bits that I hadn't completed. In fact, some of those were wrapped up very quickly on the weekend once I remembered I needed to do them!
Do you have any intentions or goals for the year? Have you ever sent yourself an email or letter to read later? Start with NO!
