In which I'm not doing as well as I should be

The last couple of months have been crazy busy. Football, music, work, travel, and family have put me back into the "busy all the time" phase that I have not experienced since before the pandemic hit. My reaction to it has been positive—or at least I wish it was positive. 

I want to be happy about it. Life is short and staying inside feeling sorry for myself isn't a good way to use that limited time. But this weekend as I worked to finish up the last of my responsibilities to Jonas' football team, it became very clear that my anxiety was through the roof and that I was NOT doing ok at all. 

Now this doesn't come without real-world reasons. Rhonda was out of town so in addition to trying to manage the final moments of the football season and work on my music stuff, I was also the sole parent cooking, giving rides, and caring for the dogs all while trying to pull off a party for 45 people. By Saturday afternoon I realized that my blood was pins and needles and I couldn't get a good deep breath of air. 

At least this wasn't my first rodeo so I knew what was up - and somehow I had to manage that alone. Thankfully, the Navigator did a great post recently discussing his own challenges so I tried some of the things he was doing. But alas, I could not sit still to meditate (I felt full of adrenaline), couldn't find help around me and I generally just decided to strap in and just try and get through the weekend. Surely once the football stuff was done and Rhonda was back it'd all be good?

Wrong. 

It took something as simple as forgetting my coat at the venue where we did the football wrap-up to put me over. I didn't sleep all night obsessing over the jacket. 

Fret not dear reader, I'm taking some good steps to help. I am privileged, and for this scenario, I'm happy to lean on that privilege to get the help I need. I've booked myself in to see a councillor on Thursday and as an extra treat - I'm taking the day off to sleep in, maybe play some songs and have a nice long walk in the park. 

I've also had a serious talk with Rhonda about those feelings and asserted that I would not be participating in the social plans she has for the weekend. I think she's a bit disappointed but it's a damn sight better than me having a "menty B" at someone's party. Honestly, I need to get better at asserting my place sometimes and saying no when I don't want to go to a stupid party or hang out with people I don't really hold love or interest in. I mean Jesus, I went to a fucking art gala a couple weeks ago. What the hell was that about? 

Half of me wants to be thankful that we have resources around these days to help us deal when life gets stressful. But also, why is life so goddamn stressful? That's a subject that could fill a library I suppose. But there's a big part of me that just wishes life was less stressful so I didn't NEED to access mental health support. Frankly, I hate even having to think about it. I wanna be writing songs, maybe fixing my roof or playing with the dog. But instead, I gotta go have a chat with a stranger about why I spent last night wondering what the easiest way to get ketamine was. 

How does one conclude a post like that? I dunno. Life's a lot, I'm dealing with it and hopefully next Monday I'm laughing at my weak-ass, out of balance brain. If not, maybe next week is "Pilot's World on Location from the Psych Ward!"

 

Peeled the Onion

Last week I spent some time  prolestysising about goals and timelines for the comedy music thing. I don't know if it was just the talking it out but let's say I made some faster progress than I promised. 

Yeah I finally pulled off the bandaid and hit the stage. 

In "5 Tight Minutes", Stu Cassel really champions performing live. Get on stage and get on stage early. I wanted to give myself a good run up time since I needed to get some songs together and rehearse. But a strong deadline was important. That's said, I was getting worried that I was taking too long. 

I met my old work friend, Gilly, for coffee last week and we talked about the music we were playing and The Cure open mic. Before we were done, I'd committed to bringing the guitar out. 

A kick in the ass ain't a bad thing. Within the week not only have I committed to that performance but I'm also making a plan to hit one Nov 13 in Saskatoon (hear that Navigator?) and I'm going to apply for my first real gig before the end of the week. That could have me playing my first real gig as early as December. 

Shit moves fast. 

The fact is I have the material I need to get started and I've known my first steps a long time. So let's run. 

The vibe at The Cure is always impeccable and the Open Mic was immaculate. I ended up performing near the end of the night, third from last. 

I'm super happy with the set. I played "Guitar Picks and Pocket Knives" and "Fucking Fridge". People loved that last one. 

So yeah. Off and running. Holy crap.

Big thanks to Gilly for supporting me and coming out to cheer me on. He also took that photo of me at the top. Cheers bud!

State of the onion

Back in July, I hinted that I wanted to start a new humour music project. It's been three months since I made that commitment so it's a good time to take stock, review what I've achieved and clarify my goals for the next three months.

Taking on a project like this comes with so many challenges and tasks. One of the earliest things I did to kickstart the project was to start a Google Document called "Humour Project". I have it broken down into categories including:

• timeline/goals, 
• songs I've written, 
• songs I need to finish, 
• ideas for songs, 
• venues,
• photo/bio ideas
• one-liners/heckles and banter
• instrumentation ideas
• merch ideas

Many sections aren't filled in yet and others are a mess but it's nice to have everything in one place and easy to find. Well mostly - I'll get to that part next. The idea of having a master document to work off of came from advice I saw in a reel by Thor, often known as Pirate Software on YouTube. The man is simply full of wisdom but his recommendation to have a design document if you're going to make a game was similar to many strategic planning documents I've done in the past and even if it's rough and disorganized, what I have is better than nothing and can always be improved and referenced. It's done wonders to keep myself accountable. 

This morning I caught this great video about Prince's work ethic. The video talks about what we as artists can learn from how Prince made his music broken down into six lessons we can learn from the man in purple:

1. Work fast
2. Become a finisher
3. Abandon perfectionism
4. Make art every day
5. Sleep and
6. Have a vault mentality

The first four lessons were all things I'd already been working on. I needed to shake a lot of my misconceptions about how I made music and what I sound like to make this project progress. I've done really well with those things, resulting in some really satisfying results, like this fun little song I posted last Friday. Or even the video I did for Pizzamas last week. Sleep and rest are aspects I'll need to keep in mind but not a concern right now.

The vault mentality lesson is one that I've naturally been doing a bit of but in watching the video, I realized I need to be more purposeful about it. To the point that I think I need to add it to my project design document. The argument in the video is that Prince wasn't so much working on being famous or making money as he was building his legacy. To have a legacy, you need to have an archive or a vault to collect and store your work. 

I've been doing this a bit. Not so much to create a legacy as much as just to try and organize the heap of ideas I have and make them accessible. Over the past three months, I've set aside about an hour a week to get my Google Drive in order and put lyrics and demos together. It's far from where it needs to be and I have plenty more I want to do. This video reinforced the importance of that work and I think I might bump up my vault work time a bit every week - at least until I have everything working the way I want it to. I still need to figure out how to make my phone automatically back up my demos onto my Google Drive. 

Creation-wise, I've been doing extremely well. I have about 7 songs that are basically done, and I've chosen two to develop into a "tight 5 minutes." I've had November 4 circled on my calendar for weeks, that is the date I want to head over to The Cure and play at the open mic. Go play my 5 minutes and see how people respond. From there, I want to hit a separate open mic in the following 2-3 weeks at a different location to try the same set. Beyond that, I'd like to hit up The Cure again before the end of the year with a second set of new material, repeat at another open mic and so on. 

I'm frankly shocked at how prolific I've been. Sometimes it's in spurts of little song snippets, sometimes it's entire songs flowing out in an hour or so. With a strong set of goals and a developing vault, I've been able to turn these snips into songs. While I'm only at 7 fully written tracks, I don't think I'd be exaggerating much to say I've got about 50 ideas in various stages that will become something in time. Being prolific like that is nice for the ego but it also means I'll have a lot to choose from - and a lot to throw away - as I move through this. 

There are many things I still need to nail down. I don't exactly know what name I want to brand this project under. I've gone through a few including my usual nickname Pilot or trying to use a name I've always had around, The Spurge. The one I've landed on so far and will probably use on Nov 4 is just the monomer "Jeremy". It's an awkward, stupid name with some meme history. It does tend to bump into the Pearl Jam song, but maybe I can use that to my advantage. 

I'm also working on the supplemental instrumentation for this project and I can't quite decide how to roll it out. I'll be using the kazoo as my "lead" instrument but I'm not well practiced yet and I can't quite figure out how I'll play it while also playing guitar. I have an around-the-neck harmonical holder and I've also thought of building some kind of clip to go on a mic stand. The jury is still out on that one. I think I'll do the first few performances without it until I have a bit more confidence. I've had a few other instrument ideas that I hope to incorporate in time too. 

Finally, I've done well carving out the time for this and finding space to do it in. I haven't been able to do exactly what I've envisioned but I'm really happy with my tenacity. I find time every day or so to practice, organize and learn. I've started taking lessons and this weekend I tried out using one of the Regina Public Library's studios to do some practicing and writing. 

Overall, I'm shocked at how well all of this has gone. I don't know why I'm shocked, nothing I'm doing or planning is outside of my talent, ability or experience. I think the biggest reason is that I had built up all of these misconceptions about myself: I can't finish a song, I can't play solo, I don't know how to play guitar and sing, I'm not funny, I can't sing, I can't... and on and on. Once you stop worrying about what you can't do and focus on what you can, things all of a sudden open up in front of you. I've felt so positive and used this as a springboard to connect with friends, be creative, boost my ego a bit and feel like I'm actually doing something. 

Something for me. 

I could go on and on but this post is long enough for today I suppose. Hopefully, I can post a bit of a review or post-analysis of my first live performance in a couple of weeks. And of course, if this keeps working for me, I'm sure there will be plenty more to say here as time rolls on. 

Folk off

As someone with a deep-rooted obsession with music, the concept of musical genres is always a part of the conversation when I talk about music. But the deeper you dive into the concept of genres, the more you realize how much of a human construct they are. 

I'm not just talking about the granular dissection of a genre like Heavy Metal (Medieval Electronic Swedish Christian death-core anyone?), but how two songs by the same artist can sound vastly different and yet be categorized in the same genre. Or, on the other hand, how two very similar songs can be categorized differently because of the approach of the artist or just the environment where it was built. I think that is why no one can figure out if Motorhead is a metal or punk. Or why AC/DC is a metal band and not a punk band. 

Putting music into groups does have its benefits. It helps artists get their work into the hands of consumers who will be interested in it and helps listeners choose the music that best fits their mood or surroundings. When The Navigator and I broadcast The Cockpit, I'd often describe what we played as "anything that falls under the rock genre." That's a pretty broad statement that could run from the early blues-rock of Chuck Berry, thrash metal or even folk rock. And it still doesn't completely capture what the show was about or what we were trying to do. But it at least put people in the right ballpark. 

One of the genres that has always been at odds in my head is folk music. On the surface, there's really not a lot to be concerned about. Most people have a pretty good grasp of what folk music is - generally played on an acoustic guitar or other acoustic instruments, good vocals, usually strong harmonies and the subject matter is typically geared towards the working person, maybe including protest or storytelling as the subject matter. Songs you can sing around the campfire kinda stuff. 

But when you look at the history of the genre, it all ties back to music for the folks. Stuff you would sing and perform with your friends and family - literally that "around the campfire stuff." Not complicated and approachable - stuff you sing together. And this is where this genre name and definition fall apart for me. 

So let's look at some of those key definitions in point form for clarity. Folk music is:

• Music you can perform and participate in with friends, family and community
• Music that is easy to perform
• Music that tackles subjects important to the everyday person including poverty, politics and storytelling.

So is rap music or punk music folk? Those genres meet the criteria. Is Bruce Springsteen a folk singer? We might say he's rock n' roll but his subject matter seems awful folky and songs like "The Ghost of Tom Joad" are solidly folk tunes. 

Now obviously, when we say "folk music," we're trying to describe that acoustic/vocal style. And I'm not trying to change the world there. Call it "Kumbaya Music" for all I care, I understand that people are just trying to describe that particular thing. I think I'm just looking for a way to describe music for the people. Music that isn't made because there's money but because there's something to say. Music that connects people. Music that's more at home around the campfire or in a shitty pub than it is in an arena or festival. 

So what the folk am I talking about?

Well, I guess I'm just trying to say that sometimes we need to step back from genres, categories and labels and look at what the music does to people - how people use it. Rap, punk and folk might all sound like completely different things but they all do serve a similar purpose. I don't think it's a coincidence that people consider Woody Guthrie the first punk rocker. 

What the folk do you think? Leave me a comment 

Happy Pizzamas!

A very happy Pizzamas! 

What the heck is Pizzamas? Well, I'm relatively new to the movement and if you look it up you'll mostly find that it doesn't really mean anything. But stuff does happen during Pizzamas. 

At its core, Pizzamas is a 2-week celebration of very old internet inside jokes, John Green with a moustache (called "Pizza John") and raising money to reduce or eliminate maternal mortality. I'm on board just to buy a shirt that says "Pizza", supports artists and helps babies who need the support. But add bad nerd jokes and an excuse to make pizza and I'm here. Overall, it's a couple of weeks celebrated by Nerdfighteria, championed by the Vlog Brothers, John Green and Hank Green. 

One of the challenges the Green Brothers give themselves during Pizzamas is to post daily like they did in the days of old. While the re-launch of Randomjunkification and Pilot's World is inspired by the Vlog Bros. I really wasn't in the mood to blog every day this week. But I did want to challenge myself a bit. 

I've been toying with a song called "Punk Rock Pizza Party" over the last few weeks and I figured, getting a demo of the song down for Pizzamas would be a good challenge that would help me get the song into some kind of finished form and observe one of the fun parts of Pizzamas. 

It's a bit rough, there are a few lines that need to be rewritten but overall, I'm happy to show you a brand-new song. Here is "Punk Rock Pizza Party".

Originally, I'd hoped to integrate some of Hank Green's jokes into the lyrics. I hoped to make it a bit more collaborative and bring some of that Pizzamas feel to it. Not to mention since I'm trying to do a humour music project, I needed some jokes to work with. 

There were plenty of jokes in the first draft of the lyrics, but it was super awkward. I did a full rewrite of the lyrics and they make way more sense now, but they're really not that funny. Maybe a bit silly. 

Some Pizzamas stuff did survive though. I've got a great reference to "None pizza with left beef" from The Sneeze and I've included one of Hank's jokes in the form of the "no matter how you slice it" line. Unfortunately, the lyric doesn't fit very nicely in the melody there. 

Hey, it's a demo, there's lots of work to do yet. I'd love to play this one with a full 3-piece band and some gang vocals. Maybe someday! 

Hope you enjoyed and Happy Pizzamas!