Damn wee wooos

 Hello reader. I'm feeling a bit lethargic this morning, so I've decided to ask a friend to do a guest post on Pilot's World today. Please enjoy and be kind; she's a new writer.  - Pilot

Hellos!

My name is Ahsoka Francesca Newfounland IV. As my last name hints, I am a Newfoundland-breed dog. I am 5 and a half years old. 

Me enjoying the finer things on Doodey Street

As you know, Pilot is a man, and I am a dog, so I am his best friend. Not just a friend, as indicated in that rather weak introduction. Thanks for the rousing introduction, man. 

An interesting fact about me is that I have lived for my entire life on a street named "Cameron". Even before I moved in with Pilot, the house where I was born was also on Cameron. Just a few blocks north of where I live now! 

It's a pretty nice street. There are lots of trees around to sniff, and on any given day, someone has left a hot dog bun or some leftover spaghetti on the ground for doggos like me to enjoy. It's pretty great.  

But there is another street very close to Cameron that's not so great. Sometimes we go walking on that street. Its name is Doodey Street, I think they call it that after a big piece of shit. There are not as many trees, and there are lots of cars that drive very fast on it. 

But there is one particular type of car that's extra annoying. Always looking for attention, they're constantly screaming, "wee woo, wee woo," or sometimes really fast, "wow wow wow wow." All hours of the day and night, "wee woo, wee woo."

Now, I am as fond as the next person of giving a nice loud "AWOOO" or even a few nice "woof woofs" when you meet someone. I mean, you need to let them know you're excited to meet them. But these guys are next level. You can hear them for BLOCKS. 

That noise kind of annoys me, but it sends my brother Liberty into an absolute crisis. He has to howl back and gets all antsy. Sometimes he even needs to go hide with Mom. He puts on a brave face, but I think he's secretly a bit of a coward. 

But sometimes I get to see these loud cars, and it's even worse than all the noise they make. Some of the cars are small, some even look like Dad's car, which he takes us on rides in. Others are really BIG with lots of hoses on them. Liberty always tells me he'd love to bite one of those hoses, that it's probably way better to bite than the little snakey hose we have in the yard. 

But the worst part is that if they aren't attention hogs enough, they're covered in flashing lights! If I could see colour, I wonder what colour they'd be? Probably glitter. 

The noisy menace is filling my street with water

Sometimes they even escape Doodey and come onto our street, at which point these men in big snow suits come out and start breaking stuff! They take big hammers and start knocking holes in things, then they take those hoses and start filling people's houses with water! I mean, I love water, but I don't want to SLEEP in it. 

Rude. 

The menace kidnaps people across the street.

Sometimes these other smaller ones come, and they just straight up steal people. Sometimes they're strapped to a bed with wheels on it. Other times, they tie a person's hands up and throw them in the back, and the car drives away again with those flashing lights and noises. 

These cars are an absolute menace, and since my Dad isn't doing a DAMN THING ABOUT IT, I call on you, gentle reader, will you please come (bring Capone and Sadie) and tell them to be quiet? Tell them to go inside and leave us alone. I know they can go inside, I saw some going inside their home a long way away on Doodey a couple of years ago when Dad would take me on super long walks. (Hey Dad, when are we doing a long walk again?)

I'm glad that I've been able to catch a few pictures of these criminals from the front window. You can see a lot from there, and I'm always very vigilant to let people know when these bad boys are around. Or if there's a dog on the street. 

In conclusion, I wish there weren't so many grandstanding cars around. We all need a bit of noise in our lives, but I'm totally sick of it. And their behaviour is terrible. They need to leave people alone. 

-Ahsoka 🐾