Time to take stock

mmmm. 

Stock. 

It's been a tumultuous few weeks, with the usual holiday chaos, the passing of a loved one and some good work done getting my music in front of some new audiences last month. I'd considered talking about resolutions and some new thoughts for the year but I feel like I'm a bit late to the party on that. And to be frank, none of it is that original or that interesting. 

But coming out of those busy weeks, I've spent the last weekend really feeling like I'd lost sight of some of the goals in my music project I'm pursuing and some of the activities that I'd taken on to try and improve my mental health. 

And as of noon yesterday (Monday), I realized I wasn't that far off the path and that my wandering wouldn't take much to correct. 

Let's start with the mental health bit. My counsellor and I have spent a lot of time talking about journalling and the benefits it could provide. I was journalling a quick and dirty entry daily for a few weeks but intentionally stopped over Xmas. I felt like I needed to be silent for a moment - not spit it all out but just sit with the silence (more on sitting with silence in a moment). So I stopped for a bit. Fast forward to the weekend and it's been over a month and time to start journalling again. So I started again.

I'm going to reconsider when I journal. I've chosen to do it when I'm on my morning bus ride, but it doesn't feel great and the entries have been overwhelmingly negative. Mostly because I've just woken up, gone out in the cold to get on a stinky bus. I might do the journal before I catch the bus or later in the day. Again - a pin for a bit later, but I need to replace some old bad habits in the next few months and I think journalling could be a good contributor there. 

I feel good about getting this back on track and making a habit of it. But besides this, I realize that I journal as part of my daily life a LOT already. I've kept a notebook at work since 2014 and use it religiously - a form of journaling. I'm blogging here weekly - journalling. I write songs - journalling. You get the point. Writing down my thoughts and feelings isn't absent in my life, I just need to be a bit more mindful of journalling for the benefit of my mental and physical health. 

Musically, things have also been excellent. Things have moved faster than the goals I've set throughout this project and I'd say that it continues to move at an impressive pace. I managed to play my tunes at three parties over the holidays, launched my website and social presence, solidified the name for the project (Jeremy and his Kazoo) and ordered my first batch of stickers. I'm now in excellent condition going into the new year. 

But I still haven't managed to book that first real gig - not an open mic or someone's pity at a party but a genuine show at a venue with admission and everything. I've also significantly slowed my writing from 2-3 songs a week to 2-3 a month. 

In terms of booking the gigs - that's coming. I started reaching out to venues, and talking to people and I've set out a list of venues and dates that I want to apply to them. Sooner or later, one of these bad boys is gonna stick! 

I feel silly feeling bad about the writing slow-down. Like with the journalling, it's been a busy season and 2-3 songs a month is still 2-3 songs more than most people write in a month. The reason I feel bad is that much of the slowdown is me pushing it off. I've set participating in FAWM as one of my goals and I'm finding myself writing a riff or a line and then putting it into the archive to use in February instead of chasing the idea down. I sat down to organize those little tidbits on Friday and found I have about 4x more material than I need to meet my goals next month. 

So no more putting off writing. We're getting back into it now- in fact finished one song on Friday and started a new one on Sunday. I think more important than having a backpack full of song ideas next month will be actually practicing at writing and having those skills honed. 14 songs in 28 days is gonna be tight, I need to be in shape! 

PHEW.

Well if you've read to here, you're a stronger person than I am. Clearly since I can't even quit a non-addictive substance. Yeesh. Overall, I know that life is good but I think I'm just feeling the lack of vitamin D and the hangover from the holidays. It doesn't hurt to make sure I'm still on track and to look for a way to feel better about myself. 
 
I'm not looking at any of this as a New Year's resolution. Most of it was happening before Jan 1 and the smoking bit is just something I need to try at every 8 months or so.

Oh man and I didn't even get into the silence bit I foreshadowed earlier. Well I don't know how to go back and edit that out so I guess I'll just promise to do a supplementary blog this week? It'll be my journal for that day! 

Until then - keep your stick on the ice.