20 years

Twenty years ago today I sat in a little corner office on the second floor of a four-plex townhouse I rented with my then-girlfriend in La Ronge. I moved to La Ronge that summer with her - she was pursuing a career in physical therapy and I was just wandering. "Chasing pussy up north," was how someone framed it for me. I tried to deny it then but in retrospect - I spent the year before and after that chasing that particular pussy places I never should have. But that's leaning into disrespectful language and bringing up some dumb behaviour on my part that doesn't really merit waxing nostalgic about. 

Sitting in that room I wrote the first post for this very blog page - Pilot's World. Reading back through that post and a few around it, it's clear that the blog was only part of my plan at the time. I wanted Pilot's World to be a bigger thing - somewhere to store links, blog, put up photos and just generally have an archive and playground to be creative online. In fact, I even found the start of what I wanted that page to be while putting today's post together. 

I know the idea of journalling was attractive to me - a very interesting full-circle moment considering my recent post where I mentioned journalling. I am glad to have those posts and entries now. Some are hard to read - they're cringe, depressing, or badly written. But I do enjoy being able to look back and remember some older times. 

Now, obviously, I did NOT blog on here for the entirety of those 20 years and it's only been in the past 6 months that I've even started blogging again. I outright missed celebrating the 10 and 15-year anniversary. But I am proud to have something that's been around for two decades and I'm very happy that I've found a newfound use for the blog. 

But writing this blog has had a major effect on my life. Certainly that young naive 23-year-old who started this blog had no idea that he could write for a living - let alone that 20 years later he'd be employed full-time doing many of the things he was practicing on this blog. I write, do social media and manage communities just like I did on Pilot's World in those first 8 years of this blog. Communication and creativity have always been my strengths. I just don't think I had the people around me to recognize it when I needed them to. 

And MY HOW I'VE GROWN. I've learned to proofread and edit - and not just like begrudgingly doing it either. I enjoy editing and even being edited. The finished product is so much better than the raw flow-of-consciousness work I used to do. It's bled into my personal projects and I enjoy making raw ideas into something that sparkles. 

And MY HOW THINGS ARE THE SAME. I still have that feeling in my gut that I haven't done my life's work. I've built a family, bought a house, put 17 years in with the same company, performed on albums and stages, hosted my own radio show - and yet I still don't have what I want yet. I haven't given up by any stretch but some days it seems like I'm more inclined to fade away than burn brightly. I dunno. Happy to have some things I can call my own, water them and watch them grow. 

So yeah. 20 years. I'd say that maybe I won't make another 20 but I didn't think this blog would last a week and here we are. Maybe in 2042 I'll be like "jeez it's been 20 years since I posted, I should put something up." Who knows. But until then, a toast to blogging, a toast to growth and a toast to the future.