Squeezing humour out of a stone

 A couple of weeks ago I mentioned that I'd found some new inspiration and was working on doing a music/humour project. It's been a bit frustrating trying to find the time to work on the project but I'm happy to report that I've got 4 songs in various levels of completion and a notepad full of more ideas. Really it's just capacity slowing me down. 

I picked up some books recently to help me along the path, 5 Tight Minutes, A guide to Joke Writing, Performing and Selling and Comedy Writing Self-Taught Workbook. I don't have a comedy mentor to ask questions of and I'd really like to make my first public appearance with some level of study and expertise. Today's blog post is based on Exercise 6 from the Self-Taught Workbook - In the News. 

The exercise challenges the reader to find a news article, become familiar with it, then answer a series of questions in a funny or humourous way. So let's give it a shot! 

The first challenge is just picking a news article. Not all news can be laughed at, at least not at first so you've got to walk a particular line when picking. For my part, I chose "Saskatchewan moves to restrict cellphone use in all K-12 schools."

Now let's find the funny!

Who is affected by this?

The people who are most affected by this change are the teachers who can no longer depend on cell phones to distract students when there's no good lesson plan. Teachers across the province are being forced to re-learn the rules for 7-Up

Who is happy about this?

Finally, those nuts at the farmer's market talking about the dangers of 5G and contrails are having their voices heard. At least for 8 hours a day, our kids will be protected from damaging radiation. Still no word on fluoride in school water. 

Who is upset about this? 

Saskatchewan parents are most upset about this change as they now have to listen to their school age children complain about not having their phones in class. For the first time in over a decade, parents and their kids are being forced to interact using their voice boxes. 

What would happen if this happened at a different point in history?

Had this kind of ban happened in the late 1800's it's possible that the entire Communist uprising of the 1900s would not have occurred. By taking away the means of communication from students, such toxic ideas would not have been spread and perhaps we could have avoided a long and costly Cold War. Unfortunately, the means for banning cell phones did not exist in the late 1800s. 

Will it affect daily life?

Yes, students will now awake to the world around them and finally realize that our schools are under-funded and falling apart. 

Will it affect my wallet?

This will have a terrible effect on my wallet when my kids have their phones taken away and convince me that I need to buy replacements so that I'm able to continue communicating with them at home. 

What changes will take place because of this? 

Phone charging demands will plummet across the province. This will lead to a surplus of energy in the provincial power grid and facilitate the decommissioning of several coal-powered electrical facilities. The resulting reduction in greenhouse gases will cause winter to start two months early in the province, draining municipal snow removal budgets, bankrupting the province. 

How will it affect the future?

Students will lose the ability to ignore adults while watching videos of Japanese women eating ramen. As a result, the brains of Saskatchewan youth will shrink by 10%, creating a rush of purchases for smaller hats and toques across the province. 

Will there be long-term effects?

The reduced wear and tear on the mobile devices of such a large section of the Saskatchewan population will permanently lower sales of these devices across the province. The reduced income will bankrupt the Crown-owned SaskTel resulting in a complete collapse of the provincial government. 

What would famous people think of this?

When we reached for a comment, representatives of musical artist Chappelle Roan informed us that all new releases are on hold until this situation is resolved. Without students consuming her music during school time, there is no financial viability for her and all projects are on hold. 

What would the Average Joe say about this? 

We took to the streets of Saskatchewan to find comments on this situation from the general public. Most everyone was too busy arguing over whether Twisters is better than its pregenitor Twister to comment. 


A fun little exercise, and aside from taking it out to some extremes, I'm not sure this was overly funny. But a good exercise nonetheless. I'm eager to keep working through my books, keep writing, practicing and hopefully soon - performing!