Manipulation

Over the last 3 or 4 years I've focused a lot of attention on the concept of manipulation. Obviously in our - shall we say "spicy" - political and social landscape, the concept of manipulation comes up a lot. That's part of what has my attention but there's quite a bit more to it. 

I completed my diploma in public relations from the University of Victoria last winter and while the industry would like to hide behind other words, boiled down the work we do is manipulation. We hope to manipulate your behaviour or opinions to the whims of the people we work for. Thankfully, we did a LOT of work on ethics and ensuring that the power you're yielding is used for good. Lord knows the oil, tobacco and weapons industry have a different approach to manipulation. 

Sometimes I see manipulation or detect that someone is trying to manipulate me and I'm frankly ok with it. Maybe it's letting a gym ad manipulate you into going for a workout or a restaurant manipulating you into treating yourself to the super-size. I know that when I play Pokemon Go, I'm being manipulated into their microtransactions. But I also know that it manipulates me into getting out for a walk, maybe being social with someone. I'm willing to accept that manipulation. 

Other times I know I'm being manipulated and it's damn near impossible for me to step away from it. Instagram Reels and YouTube Shorts do this to me. And I know for my Tik Tok consuming friends it's even worse. I'll waste countless time just scrolling up on the most useless junk. I'm working hard against this manipulation - I try to tell myself that my focus on music was meant to offset the time I spend scrolling. To some extent, it has. But I still scroll. And if I'm tired, depressed, anxious or just generally avoiding life - scroll city baby. 

It was a shock to me last week when my counsellor brought up manipulation. Maybe she picked up on some of the language I use or something, but we both shared a moment recognizing that the work we do is manipulation. Even if saying that word can have a strongly negative response. 

And I think that discussing manipulation in the context of a counselling session is very dangerous. Which is why I'm shocked it came up. Because this wasn't "be careful of being manipulated." No. It was more like, "Sometimes you need to manipulate the people around you to do the right thing." I know what she's talking about and I've got enough of an ethical foundation that I can use this for good. But my God if she'd said that to a sociopath, someone without a strong ethical base or just someone who is struggling with relationships - that could be awful. 

We live in an environment today where some industries and groups are forced to identify their manipulation. You can't watch a YouTube video that has an advertisement without someone pointing out the ad. That's great. I know that someone is getting paid to convince me to buy a thing. Do we owe our loved ones and coworkers the same warning? Should I tell Rhonda "Hey, I need to manipulate you into making me macaroni and cheese for supper?" Or can I stick with the usual, "Imagine yourself making the most delectable pasta, covered in copious amounts of cheap cheddar and sprinkled with the spiciest of dried mustard." (Note: that's not the actual manipulating we discussed but people deserve privacy. And I deserve mac n' cheese). 

I've grown up under the instruction to question authority. Well into my 40's, I'm recognizing a need to question EVERYONE and EVERYTHING. It's exhausting but in the "Age of Persuasion", I don't know that there's any other way to approach things. And maybe sometimes you just need to let your guard down and be manipulated. 

Moulting

I just went through one of those wonderful moments that happens when you play a lot of guitar. My callouses moulted. It's been coming for a week or two, I took a day off of playing and they started loosening immediately. I got through my performance at the office Christmas party on Thursday and just sweet delicious peel. An evening of playing some bass and everything was nicely sanded and I was back to 100%.

It was +1°C on Sunday afternoon as Rhonda left for her dance class. She remarked, "It's so nice out, I should have worn a lighter coat! Is it spring?"

"No!" I shouted back. "Don't lose that callous yet! The cold will be back and you need that. Stay tense!"

Just like with my guitar fingers, sometimes you gotta keep that callous in place to protect you from something you have coming up. You can rebuild a nicer callous when conditions are better - when you don't need it to survive. 

I've been working with a councillor for the past few months, and part of that has involved reading Brene Brown's book Rising Strong. I'm not maybe blown away by her writing or presentation style but the advice is at least solid. One of the concepts she talks about is how you need to go through a hard time to rebuild yourself better. She doesn't use my - admittedly gross - callous metaphor but I think it fits.

Rhonda and I have been moulting some personal issues that kinda come with being together for the better part of two decades. Fights and friction come and go in any long-term relationship and we're going through a fairly gentle down right now. This moment really feels like we're moulting emotionally. And I know we're going to build up better and stronger - able to weather the next one. 

I think we often say that humans don't moult because we don't do it like a snake, lobster, insect or lizard moults. But we do. We can shed layers of skin like a callous or in flakes and hairs constantly. There's that old adage that everything in us is replaced every 7 years. I wish it made me feel 7 years old instead of 43. Shitty system. 

What are some other ways that people, animals or anything else moults? As we come up on the most famous social and behavioural moulting season, the new year, do you have any good moulting planned for 2025? Is changing the oil on your car a form of moulting? Or is that more like taking a dump? 

Let's (not) Get Pissed!

I've struggled on and off with gout over the past decade. I've worked with doctors to get medication that works but it's of course an ailment that's also helped along by what I eat. I'm not the best at controlling my diet but I really have cut out a lot of red meat - meat in general and other foods to try and stem the limp.

One of the choices I made last year was to stop drinking. I figured it's something that does harm to all parts of the body and in my work, I get to see some of the awful side effects of liquor. It really wasn't a hard decision to make. Although I do miss going to have a nice amber ale at Rebellion. 

The most difficult part is the social aspect. It's no secret that celebrations typically include alcohol around here and all the fun things seem to happen at bars. Lucky for me, many establishments have developed high-quality non-alcoholic beverage options. And non-alc beer is becoming drinkable. But I have friends and co-workers who cannot accept this choice. A manager I work with insists every time I'm around her and alcohol that I should be drinking, why am I not drinking, here's a DRINK DRINK DRINK. 

Sorry. It's frustrating. 

Most people are cool and go the extra mile to help me find options or to be curious and understanding. I went to a gala a couple of months ago and it was a real relief when one of our hosts pointed out where the non-alc beverages were. And they had an AMAZING non-alc feature cocktail. If you ask me - this is how we stop the impaired driving problem.

I still use cannabis - and in fact, that's my next hurdle to jump. I use it too much and it's as harmful as the alcohol. I could be better, and do more if I had the strength to eliminate that. I go through a quitting cycle every 12-18 months but it just never seems to stick. I think I need some more research and maybe some actual support to get through that one. In time I hope! 

On Friday night I went to the holiday party for one of the teams I work alongside, the Brand and Advertising team. They wanted me to come hang out and also to sing some songs. I joyfully complied. 

Now, no one tried to make me drink and in fact, the Director offered me some 0% Coronas. All good. But it was amazing how everyone seemed to need to come to me one-by-one to tell me why they drink, how they used to drink more, how alcohol had an effect on their family etc. It was this weird holding court kind of feel and everyone needed to come and kiss my ring, and tell me about booze. 

And none of it stopped being constantly offered nicotine and cannabis vapes. I drove and had committed to driving a couple of people home so I was committed to staying sober. But again, there seemed to be a committed need to see me get wasted. I know one of the managers is quite concerned that she's never seen me "throw down." But like, why do you need to see that? Says a lot more about you than it says about me.

Maybe more expected was that end-of-the-night moment when the social fabric was starting to fall apart. People were asking stupid questions and unable to finish sentences. I took that moment to make my exit. It was already an hour later than I'd planned to stay. I'm told it got kinda messy after we did leave. No regrets. 

I'm glad to see that at least on the macro scale, things are changing. Options are becoming more common and I really do think I'm having an easier time of this than I would have 10 years ago. But I also wonder if our move to boutique alcohol and legal cannabis hasn't made a more dangerous situation occur. When I was in college a party typically involved your choice of Molsons' or Coors and going outside for an "acoustic" cigarette or joint. The sheer number of options from vapes to gummies to micro-brewed liquor was dizzying at this party. I think one could become an alcoholic just trying to keep up with the Joneses. 

Inebriation is a strange part of the human condition. I've heard it argued that we get high and drunk more than any other people in history. I question that conclusion, especially when it comes to alcohol. But I do wonder if we're trying to numb a greater pain and making life worse for our bodies and minds while we do it?

Time will tell.